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Musings of a Singaporean Transgender

(Yes, this is Me! So pretty right? 😝)

Yes, I have done it! 😁 After more than 2 decades, I finally fulfilled my dream of being a bride! 👰‍♀️

Previously I wrote a post about my dream of wearing a bridal gown and going for a proper photoshoot. Covid did scuttle my plans for travelling to Taiwan for a photoshoot this year, so after a fair bit of deliberation, I decided to spend my holiday budget on a studio pre-wedding photoshoot in Singapore. 

There are quite a number of bridal studios in Singapore that do gown rental, make-up and photography all within the same studio, but I eventually picked a studio located in Ubi industrial estate. Apart from pre-wedding photoshoots (indoor and outdoor) they also do family portraits, newborn, baby and maternity photoshoots. 

You may ask, how did I find a studio who was willing to let guys wear their wedding gowns? Well, I wasn't the first crossdresser who sought out their photography services, nor will I be the last either, I suspect. I came to know of the studio after chatting with another local crossdresser (Gin Kim). She visited the studio a few years back to take bridal photos and found them pretty good. With my decision to take bridal photos in Singapore instead of waiting out Covid, I sent the studio an email expressing my interest, but also pre-warned them that I was a guy. They replied almost instantly, letting me know that they were ok with it, as well as details of the package, which included returning all digital copies, 2 gowns and a price that wasn't eye-wateringly expensive (unlike some studios in Tanjong Pagar). I was pretty excited to try on some gowns, so I booked an appointment date and applied for leave (planned for a weekday so it would be less crowded)


Gown Selection

I went down to the studio on the morning of 11 Dec 2020 as Isabelle, as I knew there would be a gown fitting and I wanted to have the full experience of choosing my wedding dress. As usual, it was a mad rush to transform from uncle mode to the elegant creature that is Isabelle. It had been a while since I last dressed up, but I managed to put on a full face of makeup under 45 minutes.

When I walked into the bridal studio, I was greeted by Qiqi, the bridal consultant (and makeup artist). She was VERY friendly and professional, treating me as though I was any normal customer. At no point during the entire 1.5 hours did I feel awkward or unwelcome at all. I guess you could say she was trying to close a deal, but not everyone accepts a guy in a dress. There was another couple selecting their wedding outfit as well, so I was feeling a bit self-concious (as always), especially when I had to speak. Such situations really make me wish I did some voice training so that I could speak freely in a girl voice and not immediately out myself. Nevertheless, the studio had curtains to provide some privacy, which was great in creating that safe space. 

I wasn't prepared when Qiqi asked me about the style of gown I was looking for. Like...how about EVERYTHING? 😝 How could I not want to try the best that they had to offer! But that wasn't possible, so to help the process of elimination, I told her I didn't want a gown that was sleeveless or had tiny straps (which would emphasize my manly deltoids excessively), or a gown with a plunging neckline (since I did not have the cleavage to pull it off. I did want a ballgown style dress with a large train so that I could fulfil my inner princess' wishes. I also wanted a wedding dress in a mermaid style, as the silhouette would be just fantastic on me (with a boost to the hips using my dresstech hippads of course)

Qiqi brought me around the racks, showing me gowns which fit my description and my body size. After picking 7 of them, she led me to the dressing area and drew the curtains so that I could try on the gowns with privacy. 

The first few ballgowns were dresses with massive trains! But they were exactly the style I wanted, since it was a studio shoot and didn't require me to move around too much. Since they were all lace back dresses, Qiqi had to help lace me into the dresses (quite very tightly too). It was SO incredible to feel the dress close in tightly on my body, cinching to fit my waist perfectly. I probably couldn't remove the dress easily by myself if i wanted to. I felt so excited my heart was thumping in my eardrums and felt flushed (might have also been the spotlight shining on me though 😛). I glided around in the small stall, the weight of the gown reminding me that I was an absolute princess today. Qiqi kindly helped to snap a few photos of me in the dress. Unfortunately due to covid, I had to keep my mask on so that probably ruined the photos a little. The next few gowns I tried were in the mermaid style. Together with the hippads and a properly tight lacing by Qiqi, it gave me that glorious hourglass silhouette that this style is so well known for. 

It was so hard to narrow down the choices to the 2 gowns for the photoshoot, since all of them felt so good. Looking back, I wished I tried on more gowns of different styles and took more photos. I know some brides don't like trying on wedding dresses as it could be troublesome, but not your gal Isabelle here. Time flies when you're having fun, and before I knew it, 1.5 hours was over and it was time to go. But I knew I would soon be back for the proper shoot.


Photoshoot

The night before the shoot, I was feeling rather excited; almost as excited as my own wedding day. I got ready the night before by getting my eyebrows shaped, facial hair cleanly plucked, and epilated both legs and underarms. I also ran through all the preparations I needed to do before hand and the packing list to make sure I didn't screw up the shoot. This was because I had to go to the studio in guy mode, so there were quite a lot of stuff to bring along, namely the wig, hippads, adhesive boobs, and 2 pairs of high heels to match the gowns. I also intentionally wore a shirt rather than a t-shirt so i wouldn't smudge my makeup while taking it off.

I reached the studio shortly after lunch. The photoshoot date selected was on a weekday afternoon because the studio would be less crowded and I would feel less awkward. As expected, there was only 1 other couple but they were in the midst of their pre-wedding photoshoot so I didn't need to be in the makeup room or studio as them for an extended period. Qiqi was already expecting me. I told her I wanted to try out a long-sleeved style for the fun of it, which she obliged, picking out 2 gowns for me to wear. They both looked really pretty, but i still decided to stick with the original off shoulder dress i picked. With that decision, it was time for the magical transformation 😁

I was feeling quite relaxed as Qiqi worked on my face, chatting with her about random topics like how the studio advertised their services (mainly word of mouth apparently), tips on makeup and crossdressing, etc. It was pretty refreshing and enjoyable to have a professional do the work while I just relaxed in the leather chair, feeling assured that I was in good hands. The makeup process took about an hour or so to finish and it was time to dress up. 

The first gown was a champagne-coloured, off-shoulder gown with a diamante bodice and what was apparently the largest train among all the dresses in the studio. I stepped into the dress, held my breath, and as Qiqi tightened the laces of the gown one pull at a time, I felt...complete. Never had I thought in my youth and even early adulthood that I would be able to finally be made-up so elegantly, and wear a bridal gown of my choosing. It was a dream finally come true, the fulfillment of two decades of fantasies, when this boy finally becomes a bride. To look into the mirror and see a beautiful woman looking back, her cheeks pink with a hint of blush, her red lips parting as I smile, and the rise and fall of her bodice as I breathed in an out. I felt like a princess on her wedding day; the epitome of femininity, beautiful, waited on hand and foot, and kind of helpless in a massive but gorgeous gown. 

I finally understood why some brides like to choose a simple dress, because the massive train was more challenging than I had expected when I moved around the place. Occasionally I felt like I was going to knock of some prop unintentionally. Fortunately most of the items were pretty sturdy and I was the only other client there so there was no need to worry about embarrassing myself. 

The photoshoot started around 3pm, shortly after the other couple was done with their indoor shoot and were getting ready to head out for the outdoor portion of their pre-wedding package. The studio photographer was quite friendly and he didn't seem to mind that I was a guy in a dress. He did share that a few years back he did help take photos for Gin Kim, which was the first time he shot for a crossdresser, but has since got a bit more experience. The shoot started off with a simple lesson for me to follow his actions as though looking in a mirror to get into the poses. As he took the photos, he would correct my position with minor instructions like tilting my head slightly, sticking out my head to emphasize the jaw line from the neck, where to look, how to position the bouquet, angling my mannish-hands to hide its larger size and rather prominent veins, or positioning my feet to make my posture more feminine. It was honestly quite tiring to be posing in a massive wedding gown whilst wearing the 4 inch heels that I brought (but the heels did make me feel extra feminine so that was very important too). About 70% of the way in I was hoping to get out of the dress to take a break (oops), but decided to press on and do my best with posing. After shooting at five different scenes/backdrops, it was time to change into the second outfit.

The second gown I had chosen was a dark blue evening gown with a mermaid-silhouette and a sweetheart neckline. Qiqi switched out the accessories, adorning my hair with a circlet of faux sapphires, garnets and tiny dark blue roses, which I thought it was a good choice and matched the gown pretty well. The mermaid gown was surprisingly hard to walk in despite its significantly smaller train, but at least I didn't need to worry about knocking over a prop accidentally. For this gown, the photographer decided to go along with a more sultry vibe, occasionally having me reveal my leg and  stiletto I was wearing. The poses required next level skills in balancing and flexibility, neither of which I had 😶 

And in a blink of an eye, the photoshoot was over. I was quite surprised that 5 hours had passed since I stepped into the studio, because it definitely felt a lot shorter. It was a fantastic, endorphin fuelled 5 hours for me, not least because it had been my dream for the longest time to do a photoshoot as a bride. The staff were very professional and friendly, which also made the entire process from gown selection, makeup to the photoshoot extra enjoyable, and I am thankful for the staff for creating the fantastic experience. All in all, it was a really fun experience and something I wouldn't mind doing again in the future if I have the budget for it. It took about 2 weeks for the photos to be ready and I was very pleased with the results (even without editing, they looked great). The wife was also quite impressed with the photos and the good value of the photoshoot when I showed her the final product. I highly recommend  to do a bridal photoshoot at least once in your life, just for the fun of it, as well as to immortalise your female self at its most beautiful. 
(I wish this was me)

The sisters whom I chat with regularly know that I've got a massive penchant for bridal gowns. It's a once in a lifetime outfit that epitomise elegance and feminine beauty. Call it a fetish if you will, but it is my dream to experience having my bridesmaid lace me into a form fitting gown, feel the delicate lace, satin and silk against my body, the weight of the dress as I glide onto a pedestal, and see a beautiful bride in the full length mirror.

To satisfy my desire, I went shopping on Taobao many years back and actually bought a bridal gown with a mermaid silhouette a number of years back. It's pretty amazing what one can buy from the Taobao and how cheap it was. Including the veil and underskirt, the entire outfit cost me $70. I wasn't too hopeful based on how much I paid and the quality of the fabric did show; the satin and lace were slightly rough to the touch. Nevertheless, the dress did look more impressive than I expected. I still remember myself trembling with excitement on a weekend where my parents were out of town and I had the house to myself. Unfortunately the dress was a lace back style rather than one with a back zipper, and I quickly found out why brides actually need bridesmaids to help them change into their different dresses during wedding banquets. After five tries I eventually did succeed in lacing up the dress, but it wasn't as tightly done as I wish, resulting in a cylindrical silhouette rather a beautiful mermaid I had imagined 😑

(The mermaid silhouette I imagined but was unable to achieve)

I'm not sure how this preference for elegant outfits came about, but it's something I've been desiring for the longest time. Perhaps it was due in part to society's messaging to little girls about being a princess, successful advertising from the wedding industry machine and knowledge that as a guy, it was unlikely that I would get a chance to wear a bridal gown (after all, we crave strongly what we cannot have). I wrote about enjoying gown selection with my wife during my wedding prep in an earlier post, but I think we can all agree that choosing your own outfit is definitely better. 

With social media, I found out that this dream might not be too far fetched after all. Many sisters, both local and overseas have gone for bridal photoshoots, to capture them at their most beautiful and immortalise it in photos. Ever since, one of the items in my bucket list is to do a proper bridal photoshoot...with me as the bride. As far as dreams go, it is one that is quite easily fulfilled, as long as I set aside the budget for it and find a suitable, willing (and good) studio.

Unfortunately, as many newly-wed couples can attest to, bridal or pre-wedding photoshoots as it is called, is very expensive to do in Singapore. I did a few casual checks with bridal shops with an indoor studio and the packages quoted were at least $1,500, for 1 gown and a limited number of digital photos. Some shops quoted a minimum package price as high as $3,000+! To be fair, labour in Singapore is quite expensive, and the studios that quote a higher price do appear to have way more elaborate gowns and prettier advertorial photos on their social media page, promising a fantastic and unforgettable experience. But to spend $2k or more on something as frivolous as a wedding photoshoot does make my inner budget concious uncle flinch a lot.

More experienced sisters have recommended me to do my photoshoot in Taiwan instead. Not only do they have a huge number of photography studios in Taipei, the outfits, studio sets and photography style is more varied (e.g. steampunk, 古装, lolita, cutsey gowns, normal bridal styles, etc). Not only that, Taipei is LGBT friendly (some studios explicitly state that guys can crossdress), as well as wallet friendly. I had originally planned to head to Taiwan at the end of 2020 to do a photoshoot, but Covid-19 decided otherwise 😑 Covid-19 please go away soon so that life can go back to normal and we can all enjoy travelling again. 

(UPDATE: I've fulfilled my dream! You can read my detailed gushing of the entire experience here!)
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