It's amazing that I've already been on HRT for 2 years now. The egg crack, first coming out to my wife, feeling the initial bodily changes due to HRT, feels like a fevered dream. And what a rollercoaster ride it has been the past years. I don't think my life has ever been this tumultuous.
Bodily changes wise, it feels like everything has stalled after the first year. While my hips and bum do feel fuller, I've had fat redistributed to my lower waist that seems to cancel each other out with regards to getting more feminine proportions. Boobs have been the same size since the 1 year mark (friends and I jokingly call them our xlb 小笼包 boobs), while other more visible changes aren't HRT related; specifically the reduced facial hair due to electrolysis and longer hair on the top of my head, which is taking painstakingly long.
Emotionally, there has been so many ups and downs, it's amazing how I even functioned the past 2 years. It's been no secret that my mental state has been terrible since the 9 month mark of transition, battling fears of falling short of my transition goals, envying feminine transwomen in the community that seemed to cross the threshold so effortlessly, worrying about rejection and hating my reflection that I see in the mirror on a near daily basis. The midway transition phase is known to be the most challenging, when you're neither here nor there, but all that can be done is be patient and wait.
My relationship with the wife has also seen many ups and downs. While she is supportive, my increasingly feminine appearance brought out all manner of fears in her and triggered feelings of grief; the loss of the man she married, being replaced by a familiar person, but yet total stranger named Isabelle. Transition isn't easy for the one transitioning, but it isn't a cake walk for partners either.
Nevertheless, there were many things to be thankful for in the past two years. I made new close friends that I feel could potentially be lifelong friendships. I came out to my sister, a close friend and most recently, my parents (a separate blog post needed for that). I started to see the woman in the mirror as my hair grew out, making me hopeful for the future. A few funny moments when guys second guessed their entry into the toilet was validation that I looked female, even though I was wearing uncle berms. And most importantly, having a partner willing to work through the challenging issues together.
The 3rd year is going to be more exciting as I come out to more people. It is scary, but I look forward to it.
