(Transgender Youtuber Contrapoints. She is as gorgeous as she is funny)

Contrapoints: "I'm aware that the conventional beauty standards are a racist, sexist, ablelist, fatphobic, transphobic social construct designed to preserve power relations and sell products. But does that awareness mean I desire any less to be conventionally beautiful? Well...no. I want it more than ever! The problem with the intellectual exercise of critiquing things doesn't usually affect my desires that very much. So what am I supposed to do? Sit here in silent contemplation until my desires finally align themselves with the interests of the international proletarian revolution? Oh Fuck the revolution! I want to be a pretty rich girl."

If you haven't already discovered her Youtube channel that already has 1.6 million subscribers (as of Sep 2022), then you totally should. She is eloquent and hilarious, discussing gender related topics covering various view points. Putting out an excerpt from her video doesn't do her delivery of the topics any justice, so do watch her video on beauty, which I have linked down below. Do note that her videos are generally quite lengthy (30min or more).

So today's post is about beauty. Everyone wants to be beautiful. It is a desire that spans across sexuality and gender. Straight, gay, lesbian, bi, male, female, trans, non-binary folk all want to be beautiful. Don't we all follow Icons and Influencers on social media, wishing that we could look like them and enjoy the high life that their good looks has supposedly conferred upon them? Pretty girls seem to effortlessly become models and enjoy sponsorships, gigs, fancy meals, jet-setting lifestyles, supposedly high pay to sustain said lifestyle, and throngs of fans throwing themselves and dollars at them; things that the plain Jane (or John) on the other side of the phone could only dream of having. Winning the genetic lottery grants what is known as "pretty privilege" that opens many locked doors. 

It isn't just about the potential monetary benefits. As much as we need to learn to love ourselves, being conventionally beautiful undeniably makes us feel good. Looking into the mirror and being able to think "Damnnnnnn girl you look good" sends that dopamine rush to the brain. And when others heap on compliments, a person's self-confidence is boosted even further; to dare to speak a little bit louder and hold the head up a higher. Being acknowledged as pretty  makes us feel great about ourselves. 

For us crossdressers, the need to be beautiful is the ever present goal...or at times, the only goal. The highest prize is the ability to successfully emulate the conventional feminine ideal in appearance. Almost every single post on Reddit, Instagram, Facebook and other social media platforms used by crossdressers is screaming to show off this ability, demanding the Internet for validation with the question "Am I Pretty?" (Yes. Yes I am pretty. Tell me I am pretty. Goddamn it, like, upvote and share this post you anonymous, faceless other person over the internet. Even better, shower me with comments in a thousand different ways to tell me how pretty I am. Do it! Tell me I am pretty. Please? Oh and don't forget to follow). And the community itself feeds this need, along with a boatload of envy. Our chat groups regularly discuss how gorgeous some other young crossdresser or transwoman is, never mind that said beauty may be a product of plastic surgery or photoshop. We regularly lament our various flaws and fervently wish that we had this or that physical traits.

When asked: "Will you ever consider transitioning?", a reply I sometimes hear is "I'm too old to be pretty" or "Only if I can be pretty". Heck, that is the reply my brain tells myself too. For many of us (myself included), should the decision to transition be made, I don't think simple facial feminization surgery alone is adequate. If I am going to slide down the slippery slope of spending hard earned dollars on plastic surgery, suffering the physical, social and financial pain of transitioning, I'm sure as hell going to make sure I come out the other side looking drop dead gorgeous. After all, in for a penny, might as well be in for a pound. (Looking like Lalisa would be sweet. Or the goddess that is Gemma Chan.)

Will the quest and need to be beautiful for ever end? For us crossdressers, I don't think so. But it is important to recognise that in our pursuit of it, we should not let it consume us with envy.