The short answer is, it depends.
Recent events triggered me to write this post. A close friend of mine in the community went for his first session of couples' counselling as he was facing some marital issues regarding his proclivity to wear women's clothes. While the counsellor did caveat that his (or her) understanding of the situation was limited, my friend's desire to wear women's clothes was described as an "addiction", and it was suggested for him to remove all sources of temptations in the short term while they work out the marital issues. As my friend's wife had also given him an ultimatum regarding his crossdressing, in order to preserve his marriage he decided that drastic measures had to be taken. A full purge was carried out; deletion of all his female alter-ego's social media accounts, giving away his hoard of women's wear built up over the decades, as well as cutting off all contact with friends in the community.
I don't know who the counsellor was nor did I get the full story, but hearing the description above got me incredibly riled up. While I knew my friend was in a difficult situation and had to make tough choices, the callous commentary from the counsellor was setting my friend up for failure. By using the negative term "addiction", it labels the desire to wear women's clothes in a similar way as drug addiction, where the path to recovery is cold turkey. It also gives confirmation from a "professional" to my friend's wife that wearing women's clothes is something to be purged from his life. Even if the counsellor later becomes more learned about gender dysphoria and corrects the advice given, the damage is very likely done. Knowing my friend, he's quite a good way down the transgender spectrum even if he doesn't recognise it or care to admit. While he might be able to keep a lid on his urge to wear women's clothes for 1, 2, or even 5 years, the dam will eventually break and he will put on a dress once again. Should his wife discover it, he would be seen to have "relapsed", and the cycle of shame, guilt, disapproval, sadness, purging and suppressing will happen again.
I was feeling angry for a day, but decided to reassess the event a bit more objectively. Merriam-Webster defines "addiction" as follows.
Addiction: a compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms (such as anxiety, irritability, tremors, or nausea) upon withdrawal or abstinence : the state of being addicted
My own desire to dress does appear to fall within the definition above at times. While it has not affected my ability to function normally, nor did it cause harm to my personal being, not letting Isabelle out for extended periods causes me to be increasingly obsessive about creating opportunities to do so. The feelings of withdrawal were more apparent prior to coming out, when opportunities to dress was significantly limited; confined to periods where everyone was overseas. Missing an opportunity meant an agonising wait for weeks or months before the next window opened up. After a dress up session, my desire would be momentarily sated, before the urges gradually creep back again and I pine for the next opportunity.
The desire to dress as a woman is also generally viewed as negative; "Men shouldn't wear women's clothing, it is unnatural / abnormal / perverted / a sin / an embarressment". So when I give in to the urge to do this "negative" activity time again and again, it isn't hard to view it as an addiction. Nobody ever labels a voracious reader as a book-addict, or an avid gardener as a plant-addict. But deny them their books or gardnening for months and they'll start to pine for it with great fervour. The difference is that reading and gardening are "positive" activities that one can do in copious amounts, even encouraged.
It doesn't help that the urge to dress builds in tandem with sexual arousal, and wearing women's clothes is usually an incredible turn on. The result is usually a conflicted, struggling, self-shaming individual. If dressing as a woman is so bad, why does it feel so damn good? If it doesn't hurt anybody and makes me happy, why is it so wrong? How can willpower alone be the dam to hold back the rising water levels of desire?
A common argument is that "These men have a choice. They just chose the easy way out and gave in to their addiction to wear women's clothes.".
But do we really have a choice? Sure, I can choose a shirt over a slinky dress today, tomorrow, weeks and months on end. But deep down, my identity is female and I yearn to be recognised as such. Denying myself the dress is tantamount to denying my identity, which I can do for some time without causing discomfort and pain to my being, but not forever. Most people who do not experience gender dysphoria do not even think about gender; it is a fact that does not need questioning. There is no need to deal with regular thoughts of wanting to look different from their assigned gender at birth. If I could, I would prefer not to have gender dysphoria. It would make life a hella lot more straightforward.
So in my view, a guy's desire to dress as a woman has some hallmarks of what an addiction is. But when viewed through the lens of gender dysphoria, it becomes harder to label it as such. If the need to be female, even momentarily, is as essential as food for survival, then perhaps calling it an "addiction" isn't exactly accurate. Things aren't so black & white.
As for my friend, I hope that in his new phase of life he is able to settle into an equilibrium that he is comfortable with. While I have doubts that his female alter-ego will fade into memory, perhaps she wouldn't torment his waking moments daily.
