Question - Where can I buy clothes and crossdressing essentials discreetly?
Although this seems to be an easy question to answer, I do get asked more frequently that I expected. They're mainly asked by those in the closet, although some who have a bit more experience dressing up do ask me occasionally as well.
There are some dedicated clothing shops for crossdressers online, originating in the USA or United Kingdom. However, I do find that these shops seem to be a product of an older era, when it was much hard to buy items online and anonymous delivery or self-collect from delivery lockers (e.g. POPStations, Ninja Collect, Blu, etc) was not an option. Marketed towards crossdressers, the range of available styles are narrower and tend to be a lot pricier for equivalent items sold in regular brick and mortar shops for women. Nevertheless, they do have certain specalised products which can be very good (e.g. high quality silicone hippads), niche outfits that appeal to certain segments of the community (e.g. 100% satin or latex maid outfits, super frilly petticoats, ballet stilettos) or outfits for crossdressers with very large and masculine physiques. For regular day to day clothing however, you're better off buying from the large number of options that women have. I've tried to list down the various choices available to crossdressers and why you may want to go for them.
1. Easy to walk around - Big clothing chains
For crossdressers who have started to step out in public, big clothing chains such as Zara, Mango, Cotton On, H&M, Uniqlo, etc, are fantastic to shop at. The selection is massive, there are frequent discounts and the clothes are regularly refreshed so you can come back in a few months to whole new range (yes, fast fashion isn't great for the environment I know). One of the best parts is that sales assistants generally don't both you, and because of the large floor area you can do your shopping without bumping into other patrons. Not that it really matters too much, since the ladies in such shops are usually absorbed in picking out clothes, while the men are just wandering around in boredom or scrolling through their phones.
Unfortunately, if you're still in the closet, you may need to purchase clothes without being able to try them, which is a real bummer as the clothes may not fit well. Return policies are quite liberal, but that means walking up to the counter staff again in guy mode to ask for your slinky sequin dress to be exchanged for a larger size. Very nerve wracking for the newbie crossdresser.
2. Personalised service - Small brick and mortar shops
I haven't gone into such small shops because I still feel nervous about interacting with sales assistants using my guy voice as Isabelle, and I know I will feel obliged to at least buy something if the sales assistant is super friendly and accommodating. To save my wallet, I've largely avoided such small shops. But I know crossdressers who have done so and they find the experience great. You'll get the full attention of the sales assistant who is eager to help you out and let you try on the clothes, in order to close a deal. I think sales assistants are also usually bored out of their minds.
Just because shops are smaller does not mean that you will not be able to find clothes that you like. The benefit of smaller shops are that the clothes could potentially be cheaper, negotiation is possible and they may hold certain range of clothing not typically found in the big clothing chains (e.g. Taiwanese styles, Evening/bridal wear, some can tailor make outfits if you're willing to pay for it, etc).
3. Free returns - Zalora, Asos
Oh free returns are really the best when it comes to online shopping. Zalora and Asos were such important platforms that helped me to try on a wide range of outfits when I was still in the closet and unable to shop in person. I was able to order a larger selection of clothes and only keep the outfits that looked good on me, which helped to keep my crossdressing expenditure down. They helped me to gradually figure out the types of outfits that worked for my body shape and allowed me to explore styles that I would normally have not picked as a 1st or 2nd choice. In addition, the selection from these shops are massive and sells everything a girl needs; you can buy dresses, tops, skirts, pants, undergarments, sleepwear, accessories, makeup, brushes, bags, etc from either sites. Currently, around 80% of Isabelle's wardrobe is purchased from Zalora and Asos, which is pretty significant. Zalora has amazing delivery speeds locally; there were days that I got the package the next day even though I didn't sign up for next day deliveries. Buying from Asos will mean you get your goodies a bit longer, as they need to be shipped from overseas. Asos also tends to be more expensive than Zalora, although the quality and range of their clothes can be even larger (e.g. I could never find proper sequin dresses on Zalora, but Asos has loads of them).
Besides free returns, the next best thing is that you can deliver and return your parcels all via POPStations, which means you can make your purchases without worrying that your mother might "accidentally" discover her son buying women's clothing. Neither Zalora or Asos state the contents on the outside of the package, meaning that you can choose to deliver to your house without too much worry.
Zalora did change it's free returns policy in 2021 to a conditional free returns policy of minimum $50 purchase however, probably due to the large number of people abusing the free delivery and returns policy. To make sure I qualify for free returns, I usually make a massive order from Zalora (like 15 outfits) and throw in some guy clothes I actually need for good measure. This way, all it takes is for me to keep 2 outfits to cross the $50 threshold.
4. Local online shops - Carrislabelle, MGPlabel, Topazette, etc
I don't really buy from such shops as they usually charge a delivery fee for smaller orders and do not have free returns (yes, I go for value and buying something that doesn't fit properly or look good irks me significantly). However, the upside of local online shops is that they tend to fit the asian physique better (read: short). They could also be of decent value, as local shops tend to sell clothes in the price range of $30 - $50 for something that feels a bit better quality than some outfits sold in Zara (this depends on the brand too of course). I consider Love, Bonito to be in this category as they used to be an online only shop, though they have recently expanded aggressively into major shopping malls. I absolutely adore Love, Bonito's clothes as the material is heftier and feels high quality. I have also bought a white mesh dress from Carrislabelle, which turned out to be one of my favourite outfits because of how well it fits and they way it hugs the body. It was also a lined dress with material that felt more premium than what I would have normally got at that price point.
(This is the model, not me)
Point of caution though, unlike Zalora and Asos, such shops may have fancier packaging and sometimes state the contents of the package within them. If you currently live with your parents and the shop you want to buy from is unable to deliver them to a self-collection delivery locker, you may want to give the shop a miss.
5. Anything you can think of - Taobao, Lazada, Shopee, Shien
Taobao, Lazada and Shopee really brings the world to your doorstep. Anything that you can think of, they sell. Especially so for Taobao. Lolita dresses, cosplays, wigs, accessories, props, wedding gowns, school girl outfits, cheongsams, maid outfits (long victorian, cosplay, or even skanky ones), are all sold on these platforms. Large sized Louboutin stiletto knock-offs? No problem.
There are a few downsides with using these platforms though. If you don't like an item or there are defects, returning such purchases can be a pain in the butt, especially for Taobao. Although some crossdressers like to buy dresses from Taobao, I find shopping on the platform tiring as cheaper shops have the bad habit of using photos nicked from other places, while more expensive shops with better quality clothes can end up being pricier that buying locally. As such, I only buy items from Taobao that I cannot get from local shops, such as wigs, cosplays, breastforms, clip-on earrings, unique lingerie and large sized high-heel shoes (Local shops only sell up to size 41, while I am a size 43). I generally treat my purchases from Taobao as disposable.
Do take note that Lazada and Shopee has this bad habit of stating the contents of the package on the delivery label, which is very annoying if you live with your parents and are delivering to your home. Taobao does not have this problem. The other downside of using Taobao, Lazada and Shopee apps, especially if you do so on your guy mode phone, is that ads for items your browsed on these apps will bleed all over the place. I've seen cheongsams and wigs recommended to me when I was reading the news on my BBC app. Not great if trying to be discreet.
I added Shien to this category, as it feels like an English-language site for clothes sold on Taobao; massive range of clothes and budget friendly, but quality is a dice roll and the photo of models look like it was nicked from somewhere. I personally haven't bought any clothes from Shein, but I have heard a mix of good and bad feedback from other crossdressers.
(Photo of $27 sequin maxi dress sold on Shein. Looks fantastic, but I have my doubts on the quality. The model looks so glam, it looks like it may have been from a prom dress shop selling $100+ dresses. On Asos this would be $60 or higher, especially if the dress was lined)
6. Online 2nd hand - Carousell
Buying 2nd hand is recommended for crossdressers, considering how infrequent we wear our female attire. Carousell is a one stop portal that allows us to search for and buy 2nd hand women's clothes easily on our mobile phones. If you're afraid to meet up with the seller in person and reveal that you are a guy, you could easily arrange for the item to be sent via mail for a couple of dollars. This makes shopping via this app a very feasible option for crossdressers still in the closet.
I've done my fair share of browsing on Carousell and find quite a number of clothes from popular local clothing brands being sold. This means that if you're hankering for a particular outfit from a local clothing brand, there is a chance you'll find it on Carousell. The downside of course is that the seller may not have your size. In addition, I find that the listing price has a tendency of being only at a slight discount from the original price it was retailed at. Nevertheless, being a 2nd hand online shop, a good deal is bound to pop up every now and then.
7. Cheap 2nd hand - Refash
Refash is a decent option for buying clothing on the cheap if you don't mind wearing something second hand. Their selection is decent and the price is wallet friendly too, which is very important for us occasional girls. The downside of Refash however is that you have to shop in person and it is like trawling through the bargain bin; you don't know what you'll be getting and if you do see something you like, it is the only piece and there's a chance it might not fit. So go in with zero expectations and you might turn out to be lucky.
After a while, you'll come to realise that buying clothes isn't the difficult part for crossdressers. It's making the most of your money and spending them on items that fit you properly, rather than wasting money on outfits that don't look good. It is important to know your body type, measurements and styles that flatter your body, rather than outfits that look great on a svelte, doe-eyed model in her early 20s. Pretty girls can wear a gunny sack and still pull it off, so if you do buy clothes online, try to cover the model's face, or try to imagine whether the outfit will still look good if it were 1 to 3 sizes larger. Takes a bit of practice and wasting some money buying stuff that doesn't work, but you'll get there eventually.
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