Musings of a Singaporean Transgender

 

(Warning that this will be a bit of a ranty post)

Facial and body hair is a bane of crossdressers' existence. They're a bitch to remove and doing so takes way too long. Of all the things that I detest, the need to remove facial and body hair is right up there. And that's saying a lot because I'm of Chinese ethnicity, so compared to many other ethnic groups, I'm not very hairy. I've got leg hair that gets a bit wavy when long. I've little body hair on my chest, back and arms. In the facial hair department, fortunately I'm more of a Liu Bei (guy on the left in the photo below) than a Guan Yu. My facial hair is still thick enough to look like a brush if grown out and the distribution of it ages me 15 years and gives me a weird homeless look rather than a rugged masculine DILF look.

(I've always wondered how the guys in shows of ancient China have such sleek looking beards. Likely just attachments)

 

Crossdressers who are still in the closet usually tell me that although they want to go out in public, they are very afraid of doing so. I fully understand how incredibly scary taking the first step out in public can be. I was once in your shoes, overwhelmed with fear and constantly worrying that people will recognise that I am a guy (I blogged about my first time). Fast forward 3 years and after massive improvements in my hair, makeup and dress sense, people on the street still easily recognise that I am a crossdresser. But my anxiety is no longer a blaring siren in my ears nor does it paralyse me. It is still there for sure, but it is now just a niggling thought that I largely ignore. We are lucky that Singapore is a safe place to crossdress. The primary hurdle we need to overcome is the irrational fear that exists all in the brain. So fellow sister who is still in the closet. Assuming you have mustered the courage to finally take the plunge, here are some suggestions on where to go. (While some crossdressers do go to HDB carparks in the middle of the night, I'm not going to suggest it. You're unlikely to see anyone there, but it is a horrible first time location. What are you going to do? Walk up and down the carpark ramp in your stilettos while you melt in your wig?)

This is an awesome starting ground. Although getting to the bar itself might be a bit more challenging, once you're in the venue you can really relax a bit and be yourself. My first time out in public was to an LGBT friendly bar on the Halloween weekend. Even though I was sort of dragged out there and was so scared I was barely conversational, it did feel like a safe space, especially after the drag queens turned up. Although you are unlikely to meet other crossdressers (the community is tiny), a friendly transwoman or drag queen might decide to chit chat and give you a bit of encouragement.

If you're feeling a bit more daring, you could head to Clarke Quay. Try to aim for the Halloween weekend, since it is an excuse to dress up and be a bit sexier. Do remember to practice walking in your killer heels at home and bring out some plasters, or you'll be holding your heels and walking barefooted before the night is over.

As scary as going out in bright daylight sounds, shopping malls are pretty ok places to crossdress. Most people are there on errands and will mind their own business. If you want to be a bit tactical, pick a large mall with big name brands (e.g. H&M, Zara) and go there on weekdays when the shops open (typically 10am or 11am, depending on the shop). There's barely a crowd because most people are working or in school, and sales assistant really don't care about whether you are LGBT or not. Boutique shops can be a bit more unnerving since it is smaller and the sales assistants might follow you around, but remind yourself that they are just being friendly.  

Selfie studios are kind of a new thing in Singapore. While this is a confined space that isn't exactly a "public" location, you will still need to interact with the owners of the place and possibly give a shy smile to other customers you see there. The good thing is that the owners usually don't care whether you are male, female or transgender as long as you are a respectful, paying customer, and anyone you see there wouldn't bat an eyelid about your crossdressing, since they'll likely be in costume too. Note that selfie studios usually charge by the hour. 

This might be scary, but it may just be the fastest way to make friends (I recently saw a Trivia night organised by the Katong Queers that looks really fun). I've also heard of group meet ups in the LGBTQ community for BBQ, board games and other very casual, non-bar/clubbing events. While I haven't joined any, with the LGBTQ community opening up more and more in Singapore, I think this could be a good starting point. 

I feel that cosplay is akin to a gateway drug for crossdressers going out in public. While I personally haven't gone to any events, quite a number of local crossdressers start off here. It can be a bit scary for a first timer, but with everyone just dressed up as their favourite anime character and having fun taking photos, it is a pretty safe starting point. Taobao has also significantly lowered the barriers of entry to cosplay since you can just buy off the shelf costumes. Might need a bit more courage than say....a carpark in the middle of the night. But you know, carpe diem right? 

Recently one of my friends in the crossdressing community discovered the joys of shopping in public and oh was she a woman unleashed. Her outings enfemme spiked and she bought a lot more outfits than she would normally do so online.

Online shopping has its perks, but it doesn't hold a candle to shopping in person, at least for us crossdressers. Ever since I started shopping in person, I've stopped buying Isabelle's items online unless it cannot be easily obtained in brick and mortar shops (e.g. wigs, breastforms, costumey outfits) or I see something I really like at a good deal. Why wait 1 week for the few selected outfits to arrive in the mail when you can have IMMEDIATE gratification in the shops? Go to the right malls and you can even hit multiple shops in a few hours. Efficient and effective.

My friend's shopping spree is not unique to crossdressers in their discovery phase and it is likely temporary, so the damage to her wallet won't be that large of a bomb. 

Crossdressing is expensive. As if upkeeping 1 wardrobe isn't enough, crossdressers need to spend money buying pretty outfits on a regular basis to satisfy the inner girl (almost like maintaining a mistress, except she also shares your body 🤣). I think it is ok to buy clothes as long as you can afford it and it makes you happy, but my advice to crossdressers who have just discovered the joys of in-person shopping is to avoid what I term, the "shopping chain reaction".

The "shopping chain reaction" is where you buy 3 outfits on your first shopping trip. You wear one of these outfits during your next trip and buy 3 more pretty outfits. And 3 more in your next shopping trip. It's basically a nuclear chain reaction but for shopping (very geeky I know 😅). Before long, you'll have more outfits than actual outings to wear them. You need to realise that changing rooms have really soft lighting that makes you look great in the mirror, and because you're sort of on a high during these initial shopping trips, every other item you pick looks great in the mirror. I've wasted money buying so many clothes I no longer wear because I don't like them anymore.

So to do your wallet a favour, here's my 3 rules to rein in your inner shopaholic:

Regardless, have fun on those shopping trips! Sales people really don't care whether you're a guy in a dress or not, as long as you're a serious customer. So don't worry too much about being clocked or using your male voice if you really need to speak. Just own it and enjoy your moment enfemme. 

Although this seems to be an easy question to answer, I do get asked more frequently that I expected. They're mainly asked by those in the closet, although some who have a bit more experience dressing up do ask me occasionally as well. 

There are some dedicated clothing shops for crossdressers online, originating in the USA or United Kingdom. However, I do find that these shops seem to be a product of an older era, when it was much hard to buy items online and anonymous delivery or self-collect from delivery lockers (e.g. POPStations, Ninja Collect, Blu, etc) was not an option. Marketed towards crossdressers, the range of available styles are narrower and tend to be a lot pricier for equivalent items sold in regular brick and mortar shops for women. Nevertheless, they do have certain specalised products which can be very good (e.g. high quality silicone hippads), niche outfits that appeal to certain segments of the community (e.g. 100% satin or latex maid outfits, super frilly petticoats, ballet stilettos) or outfits for crossdressers with very large and masculine physiques. For regular day to day clothing however, you're better off buying from the large number of options that women have. I've tried to list down the various choices available to crossdressers and why you may want to go for them.

For crossdressers who have started to step out in public, big clothing chains such as Zara, Mango, Cotton On, H&M, Uniqlo, etc, are fantastic to shop at. The selection is massive, there are frequent discounts and the clothes are regularly refreshed so you can come back in a few months to whole new range (yes, fast fashion isn't great for the environment I know). One of the best parts is that sales assistants generally don't both you, and because of the large floor area you can do your shopping without bumping into other patrons. Not that it really matters too much, since the ladies in such shops are usually absorbed in picking out clothes, while the men are just wandering around in boredom or scrolling through their phones. 

Unfortunately, if you're still in the closet, you may need to purchase clothes without being able to try them, which is a real bummer as the clothes may not fit well. Return policies are quite liberal, but that means walking up to the counter staff again in guy mode to ask for your slinky sequin dress to be exchanged for a larger size. Very nerve wracking for the newbie crossdresser.

I haven't gone into such small shops because I still feel nervous about interacting with sales assistants using my guy voice as Isabelle, and I know I will feel obliged to at least buy something if the sales assistant is super friendly and accommodating. To save my wallet, I've largely avoided such small shops. But I know crossdressers who have done so and they find the experience great. You'll get the full attention of the sales assistant who is eager to help you out and let you try on the clothes, in order to close a deal. I think sales assistants are also usually bored out of their minds.

Just because shops are smaller does not mean that you will not be able to find clothes that you like. The benefit of smaller shops are that the clothes could potentially be cheaper, negotiation is possible and they may hold certain range of clothing not typically found in the big clothing chains (e.g. Taiwanese styles, Evening/bridal wear, some can tailor make outfits if you're willing to pay for it, etc). 

Oh free returns are really the best when it comes to online shopping. Zalora and Asos were such important platforms that helped me to try on a wide range of outfits when I was still in the closet and unable to shop in person. I was able to order a larger selection of clothes and only keep the outfits that looked good on me, which helped to keep my crossdressing expenditure down. They helped me to gradually figure out the types of outfits that worked for my body shape and allowed me to explore styles that I would normally have not picked as a 1st or 2nd choice. In addition, the selection from these shops are massive and sells everything a girl needs; you can buy dresses, tops, skirts, pants, undergarments, sleepwear, accessories, makeup, brushes, bags, etc from either sites. Currently, around 80% of Isabelle's wardrobe is purchased from Zalora and Asos, which is pretty significant. Zalora has amazing delivery speeds locally; there were days that I got the package the next day even though I didn't sign up for next day deliveries. Buying from Asos will mean you get your goodies a bit longer, as they need to be shipped from overseas. Asos also tends to be more expensive than Zalora, although the quality and range of their clothes can be even larger (e.g. I could never find proper sequin dresses on Zalora, but Asos has loads of them).

Zalora did change it's free returns policy in 2021 to a conditional free returns policy of minimum $50 purchase however, probably due to the large number of people abusing the free delivery and returns policy. To make sure I qualify for free returns, I usually make a massive order from Zalora (like 15 outfits) and throw in some guy clothes I actually need for good measure. This way, all it takes is for me to keep 2 outfits to cross the $50 threshold. 

(This is the model, not me)

Point of caution though, unlike Zalora and Asos, such shops may have fancier packaging and sometimes state the contents of the package within them. If you currently live with your parents and the shop you want to buy from is unable to deliver them to a self-collection delivery locker, you may want to give the shop a miss. 

There are a few downsides with using these platforms though. If you don't like an item or there are defects, returning such purchases can be a pain in the butt, especially for Taobao. Although some crossdressers like to buy dresses from Taobao, I find shopping on the platform tiring as cheaper shops have the bad habit of using photos nicked from other places, while more expensive shops with better quality clothes can end up being pricier that buying locally. As such, I only buy items from Taobao that I cannot get from local shops, such as wigs, cosplays, breastforms, clip-on earrings, unique lingerie and large sized high-heel shoes (Local shops only sell up to size 41, while I am a size 43). I generally treat my purchases from Taobao as disposable. 

Do take note that Lazada and Shopee has this bad habit of stating the contents of the package on the delivery label, which is very annoying if you live with your parents and are delivering to your home. Taobao does not have this problem. The other downside of using Taobao, Lazada and Shopee apps, especially if you do so on your guy mode phone, is that ads for items your browsed on these apps will bleed all over the place. I've seen cheongsams and wigs recommended to me when I was reading the news on my BBC app. Not great if trying to be discreet.

I added Shien to this category, as it feels like an English-language site for clothes sold on Taobao; massive range of clothes and budget friendly, but quality is a dice roll and the photo of models look like it was nicked from somewhere. I personally haven't bought any clothes from Shein, but I have heard a mix of good and bad feedback from other crossdressers. 

I've done my fair share of browsing on Carousell and find quite a number of clothes from popular local clothing brands being sold. This means that if you're hankering for a particular outfit from a local clothing brand, there is a chance you'll find it on Carousell. The downside of course is that the seller may not have your size. In addition, I find that the listing price has a tendency of being only at a slight discount from the original price it was retailed at. Nevertheless, being a 2nd hand online shop, a good deal is bound to pop up every now and then.

Refash is a decent option for buying clothing on the cheap if you don't mind wearing something second hand. Their selection is decent and the price is wallet friendly too, which is very important for us occasional girls. The downside of Refash however is that you have to shop in person and it is like trawling through the bargain bin; you don't know what you'll be getting and if you do see something you like, it is the only piece and there's a chance it might not fit. So go in with zero expectations and you might turn out to be lucky.

After a while, you'll come to realise that buying clothes isn't the difficult part for crossdressers. It's making the most of your money and spending them on items that fit you properly, rather than wasting money on outfits that don't look good. It is important to know your body type, measurements and styles that flatter your body, rather than outfits that look great on a svelte, doe-eyed model in her early 20s. Pretty girls can wear a gunny sack and still pull it off, so if you do buy clothes online, try to cover the model's face, or try to imagine whether the outfit will still look good if it were 1 to 3 sizes larger. Takes a bit of practice and wasting some money buying stuff that doesn't work, but you'll get there eventually. 

The lack of a safe space to dress up is a common problem faced by crossdressers around the world. Usually the inclinations to crossdress start somewhere in puberty, meaning that in order to wear a dress without your parents discovering, you'll need your own bedroom and parents who give you some privacy. One typically live with parents until one enters university or joins the workforce, where you'll usually move out of your parent's house to a dorm or rented flat in a different city to finally live truly independently in your own space. This means you'll get the desired freedom to explore your feminine side around the age of 16 - 21.

Singaporean crossdressers however, face a peculiar situation; Singapore's housing situation. Renting your own room doesn't make sense from a financial standpoint, especially since parents usually have space at home and it is so easy to get around our tiny island to university or to work. Even if you do decide to rent, you will likely need to find other friends who are intending to rent (rare, since most people will continue living with their parents), risk the same group of friends discovering that you like crossdressing, as well as come up with a good excuse to explain to your parents why you no longer want to stay with them

Affordable housing in the form of HDB flats built by the Government are only available if you are married, which for the confused, fledging crossdresser is a catch-22 situation. Here is a crossdresser who is uncertain of his inclinations due to the inability to dress up and explore his sexuality/gender identity, yet in order to do so, he needs to find a girl who is willing to accept his crossdressing tendencies and marry him. This would seem like an insurmountable challenge. The typical scenario would be to keep the crossdressing inclinations a secret before and after marriage, keeping the stash somewhere unlikely to be discovered like the army duffel bag or in the car boot, occasionally letting the inner woman out to play. Once again, the crossdresser is back in a cage, except this time it is one of his own making. 

The other option left would be to purchase a HDB flat as a single. However, restrictions put in place by the Government means that the Singaporean crossdresser can only do so when he turns 35 years old! By then, the golden years of dressing up and exploring would have passed. Woe is the Singapore crossdresser who wants a home to call his/her own.   

It is no wonder that many Singaporean crossdressers are still deep in the closet, squeezing in secret dress up sessions when their parents are out of town, but unable to properly practice with makeup and letting their inner woman reach her fullest potential. Most also seem to be able to dress in public only in their mid-20s to 30s, which is around the time where their earning power goes up and they can book hotel rooms to do staycations in. Unfortunately, hotel stays are expensive and not something you can do regularly without causing a big dent in your bank account.

An alternative that some crossdressers go for are storage facilities. These can range from a small un-airconditioned store room, to a full fledged air-conditioned storage space with enough space to put tables, chairs and even a bed. Of course, the latter comes with a premium. Such storage facilities are cheaper than renting a HDB room or flat and comes with privacy too, albeit tending to be in slightly less accessible locations. 

I'm not very familiar with the storage options out there in Singapore so I cannot make recommendations. But fret not! Francesca, a local crossdressing blogger wrote 3 separate posts about the topic which I think will be very useful for crossdressers looking for a decent storage space to keep your growing stash of female clothes and having a place to dress up without worrying about parents, spouse or siblings stumbling upon your female self. You can find out more about Francesca's experience in renting storage units, as well as commercial units (part 1 and part 2). 

(Nope, this isn't the type of breastplate I'm talking about. But this would be pretty cool)

All of us crossdressers dream of having a pair of perfectly shaped breasts with a fantastic cleavage. But unless you have a fair bit of chest fats, take female hormones over a period of time or go for breast implants that's pretty impossible. It means something is missing when we wear plunging V-necks, outfits with sweetheart necklines...let alone bikinis or lingerie.

Enter the silicone breastplate (No photos, otherwise my blog might be flagged as NSFW. But you can easily google them yourself). These are different as compared to normal breastforms which are 2 discrete "boobs" that you stick onto your chest. A breastplate is a skin tight, skin coloured silicone shirt with two breasts attached to it. By artfully hiding the neck, arm and waist seams, it promises crossdressers fulfilment of a dream; boobs that are not just realistic looking, but have a weight and bounce just like the real thing, a convincing cleavage and a feminine looking rack. Advertising for such products have gotten really good too. Watching such videos made me really want to purchase a breastplate. But it wasn't cheap, and I heard mixed reviews from fellow sisters who have purchased silicone breastplates. I finally decided to buy a set during a moment of weakness on one of those Taobao sales events (I got mine for S$140...and the lack of quality shows. The really good quality ones can cost up to $2k USD)

I have to admit, I was buzzing with excitement upon receiving it, but after trying it on, it was an "Expectations VS Reality" moment. 

I had a few issues with it, the biggest being how damn hot it felt while wearing the breastplate. Even with the air conditioner at full blast at the lowest temperature, I could feel sweat pooling underneath the silicone breastplate. As I moved around a bit, the silicone/skin seal would sometimes break and I feel large beads of sweat flowing down. Not fun. As if wearing a wig in Singapore's humid climate wasn't warm enough, I had to wrap a quarter of my body in silicone. Perhaps in a temperate country the breastplate would make more sense.

Other issues included how tight the silicone felt on my throat, which constantly reminded me of its presence, how obvious the seams were, how stiff the boobs felt and strangely, an oily layer on the boobs despite multiple washes. Perhaps the last 2 issues were brand specific, since I had no such issues with my dresstech hippads which felt high quality (price was high quality too, at S$300),

There are good points though. The breastplate has a very nice weighty bounce when I walked around, which was different from normal breast forms. It has also allowed me to take pretty good boudoir photos (Note: good is relative. Maybe someone might think my photos are absolutely crap). With some post editing to remove the seams and blend the colour tone to match my skin, it did look like I had real breasts. I've been doing a bit more boudoir shots to get mileage out of the breastplate. 

Despite the issues I have with my purchase, after trying it on a few times I have gotten used to them and look for work arounds. Like stuffing a ball of tissue to absorb the sweat, or selecting outfits that hides the arm seams well. Looking back, I don't regret my purchase

So if you are still undecided whether to purchase a silicone breastplate or not, maybe the following points can help

You should buy a silicone breastplate if:

You should not buy a silicone breastplate if:

Ultimately, it is your money and your choice whether to purchase a silicone breastplate or not. But it isn't cheap so do your research before getting one so you don't end up with buyer's remorse. As a note of caution, Taobao breastplates seems to be one size larger, so ordering a "C" might net you a huge "D" rack instead