Musings of a Singaporean Transgender

Let's face it, the majority of crossdressers, without the help from years of hormones taken at a young age or facial feminization surgery, will have masculine tell tale signs. It's usually arms that are too large, shoulders that are too broad, a jaw that is too square, traces of beard shadow, arms that are too veiny, a very obvious adam's apple, omg the list just goes on and on. Only a few lucky guys have delicate features and can pass with ease, like this guy below:

Being clocked sucks. I can handle the occasional stare, but when I get clocked  consecutively in a row (e.g. 7 out of 10 people walking past me in the mall gives me that long quizzical stare), my confidence takes a hit and all I feel like doing is running away. Also, why is it always the aunties that notice? Stop being so pesky! 🤣

Some transgender / crossdresser may think that I am too thin-skinned. I shouldn't care about what others think! And they're right. Why should people stuff their nose into something that's none of their business. Also, being overtly self-concious and worrying that people recognise me as a guy doesn't help, as it is a vicious cycle. Nervousness makes me stiff and less relaxed, so my gait becomes awkward (girls tend to be more relaxed and "flowy" when they walk). It also makes me hyper-concious about people staring, which further reinforces the negative feelings. Managing such emotions is something I am working on.

A group of the LGBTQ+ community view gender as non-binary; crossdressers don't need to try to pass and conform to society's view of what is considered as "female" since gender is a social construct, and clothes are genderless. They're onto something there, but I don't think Singapore is that progressive yet, and neither is my brain. Being an introverted Asian, all I want is to blend into the background and have as little trouble as possible. Tough, considering how crossdressers gravitate towards clothes and accessories with a bit too much flair 😅

Ever since I discovered makeup, I've been trying to improve my skills to look as naturally female as possible, with one objective: to pass as a female in public. It is time-consuming and requires effort, but when I manage to fly under the radar, it feels awesome and totally worth it (For the record, I've been clocked on every single one of my outings in public. It is whether I get recognised 1 - 2 times or many times per outing).

To conclude, as a crossdresser, you will continue to get clocked now and then in public. But don't let it get to you! Look on the bright side and don't beat yourself up for your perceived "flaws". Unlike what Instagram seems to suggest, not all women are pretty, sexy, svelte, curvy, with gorgeous hair and flawless skin at the same time. Social media has severely skewed our image of the female beauty. We have to accept who we are and put our best foot forward 😁